by William Theseus
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                                                     Laws of the Reagan Revolution
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Laws of the Reagan Revolution

The First Reagan Law of Politics: The meanest, lyingest, smoothest, SOB always wins.

The Second Reagan Law of Politics: The candidate that is put on the defensive always loses--attack, attack, attack.

The Third Reagan Law of Politics: In the voting booth, the more conservative minds will vote their prejudices over their pocketbooks--always.

The Fourth Reagan Law of Politics: unsophisticated candidates in menial occupations can have great appeal to unsophisticated voters.

The phenomenal Republican success of the past twenty-five years has been due to their discovery of these Reagan Laws. How did they come by the knowledge of these laws?--from none other than the Master himself--Ronald Reagan.
It was a seminal event in politics, when, in 1980, Reagan went to Neshoba County Mississippi and opened his campaign for the presidency with a "States Rights" speech. He was raucously welcomed to the county all the way from the airport to the fairgrounds. The redneck racists knew why he had picked that particular location to open his campaign and they knew what he was going to say--as did the rest of the country. It was in this county that the notorious murders of three civil rights workers by Mississippi racists had occurred in 1964. Reagan understood that "States Rights" was Redneck-speak for "Nigger Control" and that the rebel flag was the symbol for "Nigger Control". With his political insight, he realized that a majority of the American people also believed in "States Rights". With that one brilliant stroke he brought all the Redneck States--euphemistically call the Red States--into the Republican fold.
The Master's blatant use of demagoguery with his visit to Neshoba county; his government hating rhetoric--as he tried to get on the government payroll; his union busting--after living on the union dole for years; his cold, steely, disregard for the welfare of the working class-- from which he sprang; his projection of a friendly, avuncular manner--masking a cold, aloof, personality; all of these political qualities of the Master began to bring into consciousness in the Republican mind, The First Reagan Law of Politics--#1: The meanest, lyingest, smoothest SOB always wins. With the realization of the First Law of Politics and the hyper-killer, kick-ass, gun totin', natural animal instincts of the Republicans, the Second Reagan Law of Politics was a given--#2: The candidate that is put on the defensive always loses--attack, attack, attack.

Reagan’s stand on social security, or any kind of government aid for the poor and disadvantaged-"the least of these"-- was well known to the poor people of the Redneck States . Yet, they still voted enthusiastically for him. Thus the Third Reagan Law of Politics was born--#3: in the voting booth, the more conservative minds will vote their prejudices over their pocketbooks--always.

The fact that the Master's occupation was that of a lowly, sometime actor brought the full force of the Fourth Reagan Law of Politics into the Republican mind--#4:  unsophisticated candidates in menial occupations can have great appeal to unsophisticated voters.:  Thus, the floodgates were flung open in the Party to all the sports and performing arts occupations. In California, Republican George Murphy, a song and dance man, was elected to congress. In North Carolina, a Republican baseball pitcher named Vinegar Bend Mizell, was elected to congress--how could a name like that fail to click with the rednecks. Also in North Carolina, Jesse Helms, a rabid, race baiting, Republican TV commentator, was elected to the US Senate. A Republican Icon, he became the number two star in the Redneck Hall of Fame-- right below that of Bull Conner. In Texas, Tom Delay, a Republican Exterminator --a thorough scoundrel in every respect--was elect to congress. He quickly set about organizing the great Confederacy of Scoundrels among the Republican ranks-- which was, not surprisingly, very easily accomplished. He quickly rose to the position of number one scoundrel in the confederacy. In addition to his scoundrel nature, Tom had another defect that was a great asset to the Redneck Party. The "Exterminator" had a congenital defect in his DNA that left him incapable of distinguishing between a bug and a Democrat.  People say he's gotten religion. That's not surprising, the last refuge of a scoundrel is always religion--after he gets caught.
The list goes on: Sonny Bono, Republican rock star, elected to congress. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Republican actor, elected governor of California. George Bush II, general manager of a baseball team, elected president. You might think that with the Bush disaster, rednecks would begin to question the wisdom of putting people like baseball managers in charge of running the country. Think again--the Third Reagan Law of Politics is irrevocable and more inclusive than was at first realized. Not only will rednecks vote their prejudices over their pocketbooks, they will even vote them over their common sense.

Then, there's the Republican Smell Test. This is not a true Reagan law of politics. We'll just call it a Republican Political Aid. It is the smell of corruption that hangs on the Republican party--like stink on you know what. It is counter intuitive that this should be a benefit , but paradoxically it is reassuring to the Republican Redneck Base. Their great fear is that a "wimp" will get into the White House-- the type of "wimp" that believes that Sermon on the Mount stuff-- the turning the other cheek or being your brother's keeper--the passivist philosophy of the Master Wimp himself. Past Republican history has taught them that corruption--a blow job is not technically corruption-- is the special preserve of bright, vigorous, unscrupulous men--conservative, kick-assers all . Therefore, this Republican smell of corruption reassures the rednecks that no "wimp" will slip into their elected ranks.

Ironically, the Republican discovery of The First Reagan Law of Politics turned out to have been fortuitous. It came about as a result of their belief that the Master was dissembling when he went down to Neshoba County, Mississippi and sucked up to the redneck racists. In fact, he was a true believer. He proved this later when he opposed the Martin Luther King Holiday; tried to eliminate the federal ban on tax exemptions for private schools that practiced racial discrimination;  and vetoed a congressional bill that expanded civil rights legislation.

In hindsight, this Republican revolution is understandable. It tapped into the psyche of the unsophisticated, prejudiced, bigoted, common redneck man--a great believer in "kickin' ass", whether it's his dogs, his kids, or his enemies. What is not understandable, is how a band of redneck congressmen, mostly "ex" rabid southern racists, could hijack the Republican Party and convert it into The Redneck Party.  Abraham Lincoln, one of the founders of the Republican party, a great liberal of his day, who fought all his life against everything the Redneck Party now stands for, would be appalled at what his party has morphed into. He was a man whose life was dedicated to improving the lot of the working man and dispelling the ignorance(lack of knowledge) that feeds his prejudice and bigotry. And to think, that this sacrilege of the Lincoln legacy was perpetrated by a failed actor from his own state, whose legacy has promoted the prejudice and bigotry of the common man in our time--especially in the Redneck States.
In the current run for the White House, the Republicans are sticking with the Four Reagan Laws of Politics--they think they have put forth the meanest SOB, and with the barrage of negative attacks, the second law's taken care of; without question, they own the third law; and in a brilliant move, John McCain chose Sara Palin as his running mate--there goes law number four--all the laws are in place.

Poor Sarah doesn't realize it, but she was the second choice of John McCain's vice presidential search committee. When the committee went out searching among the actors, dog trainers, talk show hosts, American idol stars, comics, beauty queens, TV weathermen, circus clowns, TV reality stars, and TV sports announcers, their first choice was the circus clown. He filled the Fourth Reagan Law of politics to a tee. He was, however, passed over. The committee felt that he wouldn't have great appeal to their constituency unless he was presented in his clown uniform and they didn't feel that their base had progressed to quite that level of sophistication;  fortunately, for the country, they greatly underestimated the sophistication of their constituency. So the vice presidency fell to Sarah, the number two choice, a former beauty queen with the profession of TV sports announcer.  With this double qualification, she more than filled the requirements of the Fourth Reagan Law of Politics.  The various unethical allegations she was being sued over had the added benefit of her passing the Republican Smell Test.

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